When I was young, I never slept. Every night I would lie in bed, tossing and turning, wishing I could be “normal” and go to sleep. I cannot remember a time when I was young actually being able to lay down and sleep. I always would just think and think and think…my mind racing with random thoughts, imaginations, stories and situations I might face the next day. Then that next day would come and I would be so exhausted I couldn’t think. About every 2-3 weeks I would get sick, and basically just need a full 24ish hours of lying on the couch sleeping or just resting, watching Nick Jr. and enjoying the silence of the house. When I moved to Florida, it got worse. I would be worried I wouldn’t wake up for work so I wouldn’t sleep until I had a day off…usually about 3-4 days. I would be so tired by the last day my manager would try to send me home. The Insomnia had become my friend. It was a time when I could think and be myself. I could put my iPod in, and dance in my room for hours, while everyone was asleep. It was a time when I could go into my grandmothers art studio and quilt into the wee hours of the morning. I hated it but I loved it. I was known by it in our family…it defined me. Then, one day, it finally went away. It seemed Sleep had finally won. I went from never sleeping to sleeping literally any time I wasn’t at work or school. I would work an 8 hour shift, come home and sleep. I loved it. It became my best friend. It filled the void that Insomnia had left. Now instead of my mind racing, my dreams were. I started remembering them. It made me happy. Then, the unthinkable happened. Two weeks ago…Insomnia returned. Its back, and it’s making me crazy. I lay here, at 4:44am, wanting to get up and do something. I am driven crazy by the thought of laying in bed any longer, however my body does not agree with my mind. While my mind may prefer Insomnia, my body fell in love with Sleep. Why did it leave? Is it because I started working at night, and it preferred to have my nights all to itself? Perhaps. Hopefully Sleep comes back, and takes the place of Insomnia once again. Because I really don’t know how much longer I will be a pleasant person if this continues. I have already been having more frequent headaches…my mood has become shorter, loud noises bothering me again, as well as bright lights. I am moody again, and I always want to cry. Hopefully it’s just a phase. But all I am asking pleading for is for my best friend Sleep to come back to me.
xxx
The World Is My Oyster... 